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www.naturalchild.org

Towards the end of the summer our landlord decided he didn’t want us in his apartment anymore since he does not approve of me having a baby without getting married. I really couldn’t understand how a person could be like that and why he even cared but it didn’t matter at that point. I was a month prior to having to give birth and my mum and I were going around checking for other apartments.

One day as we were on our way to see one apartment i felt the funniest feeling. We were in a bus and had to step out of it at a first stop. I realised that my water had broken. We rushed back home, called my doctor who told us we should go to the hospital, got ready and headed for the hospital. I was so surprised and couldn’t believe it’s all already happening. It was a whole month early, and I was scared if everything would turn out allright for my baby boy.

They put me in a room saying I must wait till I get contractions. I was losing my water and if in 24 hours I didn’t get contractions they would have to give me something to provoke it because my baby couldn’t stay in there without it. So I knew that within 24 hours I will give birth. There were many feelings inside of me then, it’s hard to describe it. I know I was so angry for they had put me in a room right next to delivery room, and I could hear all the women giving birth. That really freaked me out, knowing I was next. It turned out how they said it would, I wasn’t getting any contractions and they had to give me a drip. My family and friends all came to support me. I could see how emotional they all were as well. That meant a lot to me. They all waited in anticipation to hear the news. The whole experience of giving birth went by like a dream to me. They gave me some pain killer that doesn’t really work if you ask me, but it makes you feel kind of numb, as if you were drunk. The pain started to increase gradually, but all I made myself think about is to do everything right. I was soon to see my sunshine and that gave me strength to go on. I followed the doctors instructions closely and it all ended successfully in 6 and a half hours, which is excellent considering the possibilities.

The first moment I had with my love was the one I couldn’t forget in a million years. He was so tiny and was crying, but as they put him on my chest next to my heart he instantly went silent and had such a peaceful look on his face..it brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it now, such an emotional moment. We made an unbreakable bond in that one moment. They had to put him in an incubator to make sure he gets fully prepared for this world. I didn’t really sleep much that night cause of the pain of the stitches and all, so I had time to think and relax from it all. I think that I was already then a different person. When his dad called me and he heard everything went well I could hear him crying little bit, although he was trying to hide it. He was so happy but also couldn’t quite believe it yet. He came to see us in the hospital when he got a free day. We stayed in the hospital for 10 days.

So the new life began, born with only 2,570 kilograms and 47 cm long, he started to experience his life outside of the womb. We named him Nikolas, it was his grandfathers name, but also the name we both liked and agreed on. We are very happy with that choice. As we came home I can’t say everything went smoothly, but he was such a good baby, he made it a bit easier for me. Breastfeeding was going like in a manual, which the doctors have told me themselves. Little by little he grew, and I can’t possibly describe the past 9 months in this post now, but they sure have been full of joy, love, tender and care, and occasional test to the nerves. It really is amazing how much a person can love somebody, and how much that love can grow with every moment passing by. I am still finding more and more of it every day. By this time, my little guy already crawls, stands holding on to something, even walks little bit, eats all kinds of different food, though has no teeth yet, pronounces many different syllables and keeps on learning so fast that he makes me proud every day.

In the meantime we changed two apartments, but I’m happy where we are now. I finished high school with a very good mark, and am signing up for college at the moment. I still haven’t figured out exactly what I’m gonna do next but I’m taking a little time off, devoting my time to him and myself. His father is at the point of transition from one club to another and hopefully this other will be a lot closer to us so he’ll get to visit much more. He is also very proud of him and loves him very much. I will try to keep this up to date a bit more, because there are really a lot of great moments worth sharing.

Enough about that! My sister went to work on a cruiser two days ago and she’ll work there for 6-8 months, so she’s not gonna be there either. It makes me so sad! I wish many things were different but that’s life, I have to deal with everything the best way I can. Eventually it will all be alright!

It’s summer now, school’s over, I have to rest a lot and therefore I’m doomed for boredom. Most of my friends are going to the seaside, but I can’t do even that. Temperatures are high, so I find comfort in ventilators. I borrowed some books in the library so I can educate myself a little bit more before this guy inside of me comes out and turns my world around even more than it has so far. I just have to prepare myself right and everything will be just fine (I wish!). The main thing I’m preparing myself for is a lot of moments of not being all right! Well, at least I will have this adorable, helpless, little creature that will cheer me up just by looking at me

I really can’t wait to see my son, his eyes, the shape of his nose, everything! But, on the
other hand I wish he could stay inside forever! Why not?! He enjoys it there, it’s warm, safe, comfortable, nobody bugs him and I am fine with it, I got used to it by now, he can stay there as much as he wants! The thought of birth annoys me. I know it’s gonna hurt 500 times more than I expect it to, no matter how much I expect! Why does something so good has to come in such a bad way? I guess that’s what everything with us people is like.